by Paul Portner
Directed by Bob Lohrmann
At Stage West, Mississauga
July 8-September 19, 2010

   Murder can be a funny business when it’s linked to the Shear Madness Unisex Hairstyling Salon, whose motto is “We curl up and die for you!” The proprietor, Tony Whitcomb, is gay (in a double sense), and he has the dubious assistance of his gum-chewing manicurist Barbara DeMarco. There isn’t a closet strong enough to contain Tony, and as played with manic velocity by Steven Gallagher, whose stage business is busy in the extreme, he is a retro stereotype. Tony’s female assistant is a broad who’s broad in her sexual taste. Barbara is up to some slap and tickle with sleazy antique dealer Eddie Lawrence, and it is rumoured that she’s had a lesbian relationship with celebrated concert pianist Isabel Cherney, the landlady who lives in the apartment above the salon. The rumour is started by Nick Rosetti, the Peel detective with a stentorian voice, but he calls it “a Lebanese relationship,” thereby indicating that he may not really know what he’s talking about. Barbara has been out with half the guys in Mississauga, and Tony has been out with the other half. Tony even shows an erotic interest in Nick, planting an impromptu kiss on his lips and causing the ensemble to corpse, he along with them. But Gallagher corpses so often that it all looks deliberately planned rather than spontaneous, so as to be far less amusing than he or the others in the cast think. Of course, nothing slows him down, for he is the sort of manic maniac who cooks up eccentric recipes in the kitchen while trying out his outrageous puns and zany bits of business on hapless customers. The playwright licks his own chops over the opportunity to update his satiric allusions, so in addition to jokes about Stephen Harper, Hurricane Hazel, and the Peel Police, we get Mel Gibson and the G-20 fiasco thrown in for good measure.

   Shear Madness, in case you don’t already know, is the longest-running non-musical play in American theatre history. It has played everywhere from Rome, Budapest, Detroit, and Mexico City to Athens, Johannesburg, Lisbon, Buenos Aires, and Madrid. Add Mississauga to the list, for better or worse. In fact, this is the second round for this show at Stage West Mississauga, so evidently the producers know their target audience. These distinctions do not, however, increase its quality. It is still silly stuff and often camp. The plot pivots on a sudden murder when Isabel, who had suffered a terrible meltdown in London, England, and who drives Tony mad with her incessant piano playing, is found dead with multiple stab wounds to the throat caused by hairdresser’s shears. An anarchic murder investigation ensues by two detectives posing as the hairdresser’s customers. One is Nick, the tough talking cop; the second is Mikey, his aide and yes man, though none too swift mentally.

   It’s bad enough the cops have to contend with Tony’s antics (some of which begin in the prologue to the piece), Barbara’s suspicious activities, and Lawrence’s criminal record, but there’s also an old Oakville socialite, Eleanor Shubert, a stuffy sort in blazing red who wouldn’t be caught dead in Etobicoke, but who evidently hasn’t been to the right finishing school for she is given to the occasional malapropism. Liz Gordon plays her with starchy social superiority. The detectives are meant to represent Peel’s finest, more or less, but “there’s no less,” as Lawrence (Gordon Gammie) cracks acidly. Brad Borbridge is the softer cop, and he plays the role with plump befuddlement. Kevin Sepaul plays the loud one with vocal heft.

   Although Gordon Gammie as Lawrence and Cara Leslie as Barbara have their moments, the driving force of the farce is Tony, and Steven Gallagher takes full advantage of his opportunities to camp it up. He makes twin peaks of foamy mousse on Borbridge’s head, and it takes only the slightest encouragement to get him to do his impersonation of Carol Channing in Hello, Dolly! After all, as he proudly announces, he belongs to the Meadowvale Community Players and was a standout (if you pardon the pun) in their production of The Full Monty. And, like the Energizer Bunny, he just keeps on going and going—even through the intermission where he apes Michael Jackson’s moonwalk and does a break dance. He’s in hilariously bad taste—as is the show, in general—where characters zip through their paces in the loud salon designed aptly by Samantha Burson and lit by Allan McMillan.

   The intermission is where the play becomes an interactive piece. Detective Rosetti breaks down the imaginary fourth wall and addresses the audience to discuss all the clues gathered to that point and to determine the probable culprit. The brainchild of Marilyn Abrams and Bruce Jordan (he also was the original director), this show has entered the Guinness Book of World Records. It is not legitimate theatre, not by a long stretch, for it’s closer to a party game than to Agatha Christie, but there’s no denying its mass appeal—as shown by the whoops of delight from the Stage West audience.

pic 1 (L-R): Steven Gallagher (Tony) and Kevin Sepaul (Nick) in "Shear Madness"




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