by Heather Hach
Directed and Choreographed by Jerry Mitchell
A Mirvish Production
at the Princess of Wales Theatre
July 7-August 8, 2010

    Elle Woods (Becky Gulsvig) is a well groomed, well dressed blonde in gaudy pink. She looks delicious, just like a puff of cotton candy. She’s all excited, too, because she’s engaged to be married to Warner (Jeff McLean), who looks like a cross between Pat Boone and Donny Osmond, and he is a “brainer” who is on his way to Harvard Law School. All of Elle’s girlfriends (who, like her, seem to be from the planet Malibu) are in white and serve as her version of a Greek chorus—though in a tone that ranges from air-headed hysteria to bubbly hysteria, which is another way of saying that the range is A to B. They sing and dance and mostly squeal “Oh, my God! You guys!” and this makes me suspect that they don’t really know their classics. Their excitement is all over her pink dress and accessories. Trouble is that Warner (whose family name sounds even more aristocratic because of the numerals attached to it—as in Huntington III) breaks up with her in the middle of what is supposed to be the acme of romance because he figures that she isn’t serious enough (that is, worthy enough) to be his bride. So what’s a poor beautiful blonde gal to do about her “shame spiral”? Why, apply to Harvard Law School, of course, which is what Elle does, replete with a resume on scented pink paper and a letter of recommendation from Oprah. Harvard must have very low standards these days, because she gets into it, with her Chihuahua named Bruiser in tow—only, of course, because her “personal essay” is delivered as a huge production number with her chorus dressed as cheerleaders, aided and abetted by a group of male hunks. She makes her case before the stuffy Head of the department, Professor Callahan (Michael Rupert), by addressing the subject of love. Of course, the guy is a lech, who eventually tries to put his paws on her, and gets slapped for his effort. But I am getting ahead of myself. This is really easy to do, given the thin libretto by Helen Hach that seems to be written for those who can read only illustrated books with bubble boxes for dialogue.

   Anyway, what happens at Harvard doesn’t stay in Harvard. Elle discovers that Emmett has a new haughty girlfriend Vivienne (Megan Lewis) who makes Elle the butt of a practical joke. Elle picks up the help of hairdresser Paulette (Natalie Joy Johnson) and eager legal Emmett (D.B. Bonds), an associate of the Head. Paulette supplies the comedy—especially in a sub-plot involving a well-packaged UPS courier (Ven Daniel) who is an example of what a character calls “walking porn”—while Emmett supplies the romantic balance as he becomes Elle’s consolation in lieu of Emmett. Among Elle’s admirers is Enid (Lucia Spina), a hefty gal in fatigue chic who is obviously a lesbian—another cue for cheap jokes. Elle also cracks a case of murder by a device that even a child without legal training could imagine, but since neither Harvard nor the courtroom (where cheap gay jokes and dancing are the order of the day) nor almost anything else in this musical is the least bit credible, everything is grist to the entertainment mill.

   To say that Legally Blonde is brain dead is to state the obvious. However, it is nicely dressed and lit. Think pink; then think pink again and again. The music and songs are ersatz wit or what passes for wit among those who are witless. The choreography is more gymnastic or aerobic than dance, yet the show is so full of a desperate need to amuse that it will surely become a guilty pleasure for some. Some men in the audience will, no doubt, find some of the women to be eye-candy, just as some women might drool over the hunks with ripped chests. I liked Becky Gulvig’s joyous stamina, Natalie Joy Johnson’s “bend and snap” comedy, D.B. Bonds’s lifesize straight man, and Ven Daniel’s physique. And the Chihuahua (Frankie) doesn’t overact. There is a very funny parody of Riverdance near the end that I enjoyed. It’s just the trajectory from the opening to there that was problematic for me.

Photo: Joan Marcus

pic: Becky Gulvig (Elle) and Frankie (Bruiser)


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